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Overcoming the Inadequacy Complex

July 4, 2013

Here is the problem: I notice I can make friends if I try but I still do not see myself getting better with girls (one on one that is).

I can joke around a bit when at events but anytime I am left alone with a girl I always just keep thinking in my head: “she has already been hit on by 50 other guys tonight she probably is not interested” or “I don’t know how to act when alone with her”, “she has tons of friends, she probably wants to be somewhere else”, etc. those negative thoughts are always stuck in my head.

When I am in a group I can kind of tease girls and be slightly more confident. However, when I get left alone because some of the guys leave or something I become all shy and quiet and my inferiority complex starts kicking in.

How do I get over it?

On Gaining Confidence: “Confidence” at it’s core is self-acceptance, belief in oneself, and fearlessness. Work on all three components. You don’t need to walk around saying “i’m a social loser” or anything like that. Have the acceptance that “I’m fine just the way I am, and there’s always room for improvement.”

Speaking of improvement, you can overcome most of this fear by exposing yourself to it. Start by making small talk with baristas, waitresses, and women at the check-out line. Make your way to girls in social settings. Talk to girls who you aren’t interested in as well as better looking girls. Over time, it will become “no big deal” to you, much like an Olympic diver’s first jump was probably a scary experience.

On your complex: It’s great that you put yourself out there , because your inner thoughts are clear: You’re allowing yourself to be preemptively judged by others. Thus, you’re assuming her value is already higher than yours.

Instead of saying, “what should I be doing?” think “Do I like her?” Instead of “She’s probably busy” ask yourself “Is she an interesting person?” What you’re doing here is switching the focus towards your evaluation of her. After all, you’re living YOUR life and measuring people according to your own standards, not judging yourself by standards of others that you’re not even sure of.

Lastly, know what you have to offer. It could be that you can provide humor/intelligence/protection to any woman you talk to. If you can’t think of anything, realize that your attention is like valuable currency, and you will only spend it where you see fit.


From → Practical Steps

  1. This is a great article, and helpful to me at the moment. ❤ thanks for sharing.

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  1. Overcoming the Inadequacy Complex « PUA Central

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