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Do Looks Matter?

July 1, 2013

From the comment from my last post:

“He likes to pretend that average looking, average income guys can get a harem of girls simply by being extremely confident.. that the only thing standing in the way of these average guys is their beta behaviour. Since most people are average, this is a very good business decision on his part.”

I’d be lying if I said that looks didn’t matter, but I’d be doing you a disservice if I didn’t tell you the real underlying problem: lack of confidence.

Confidence is to women as beauty is to men.

Let’s look at the link. Here we’re dealing with online dating. Of course the good looking model will elicit more responses with playful/engaging/sexual undertones than an average guy. Why? Because online dating has effectively altered the dynamic of the real-life approach. Whereas in person, a man will be judged by his congruence in approach, here he is judged heavily on his appearance. The result is that an average male in looks who sends a sexually-charged message to a woman’s inbox will be labeled “creepy,” while the good looking model will be deemed “confident.”

Now take a real life example. There are numerous videos floating around of amateur pick-up artists and video pranksters approaching women and getting her number. Take Simple Pickup . Not one of those men can be considered to be “models,” yet they are largely successful with their outlandish and slightly offensive pick-up lines because of their confident delivery and complete congruence. I could name a few other below-average looking people, but the point seems to be clear.

Now it’s important to realize two important facets of confidence. Self-belief and self-acceptance. From a quick perusal of the PUAHate site, many of the posters seem to struggle with the second prong. While much of the “hate” levied against the industry is justified, sitting around and complaining about how it “doesn’t work for me because I’m not a model” will not get anyone far. Instead, accept the looks that you have and believe that you have worth past your face. People will notice.

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