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Some Sound Advice

December 20, 2012

A user on a popular forum lamented the fact that relationships are so imbalanced. ‘DB’ from Raleigh decided to give his take on the matter. The following is a bare-bones outline of his exeprience, and his advice going forward:

As far as dating goes, it usually takes getting crapped on for your wussified mistakes before you learn not to do so much for a woman. Been there done that. I got used hard by my ex-wife. The details would make your jaw drop to the floor.


Whoever said “experience is the best teacher” was only half right. It’s other people’s experience that is the best teacher. Thus, you should spend a great deal in observation, learning from the mistakes of others, and listening to guys like this.


 I now know much better. I don’t do ANY of the bend over backwards stuff I used to do for women in my 20s (which was mostly with my ex-wife). I do 90% less of the overt romantic gestures and you know what? The women I’ve been with love me no less.

The same misguided narrative is given in movies, commercials, and circles of acquaintances. If you’ve believed it, then that’s why it may seem a surprise that a woman can actually be attracted to who you are and not what you do.


Do not chase a woman. It has to be a mutual chase if you want to start things off on the right foot.

This is as sound as it gets. Relationships take two. It’s not one person serving the other. If you currently find yourself chasing an entitled person with no interest, then leave. It doesn’t help in the long run.


What a woman says she wants is almost never what she actually wants.

Sky is blue, water wet, etc.


A date is something you do with an actual girlfriend. The first 2-3 months you’re just catching some drinks together (splitting the bill or taking turns paying) or hanging out. Date? GTFO here. That sounds waaaay too formal and waaaay too much what I used to do right away.


And here’s the main takeaway. Many guys are trapped in this rigid yet frustrating cycle that looks like this:

::Approach > Get Number > Ask on dinner date > Convince her for second date with behaviour > Ask on second date::

Yet, how often does this pattern result in a fruitful relationship? Might be time to change the cycle.


If you’re overly formal (like listed here), chances are you’re putting too much pressure early on. It’s all about spending time with her. You’re getting to know her as a person, not to convince her to be your life partner in under an hour.


And she isn’t your girlfriend the first few months. If you call her that in less than a month, I suggest re-evaluating your self worth.

This. Be a little more selective and don’t settle just because there’s interest.

Sure, relationships can be imbalanced. But the question remains: what might you be doing to establish such inequality? Like any advice, take what you will. Just know it may be best to question the cycle itself.


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