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The Root of Your Dating Issues

June 25, 2012

The majority of your dating and relationship issues can be traced to one single factor:

Not knowing your own value.

This is the reason that you place women on a pedestal. You believe they are inherently more valuable than you (even girls you don’t even know yet) and thus see yourself as inferior to them.

It’s the reason why you settle for someone who treats you like garbage to be taken out. You think they are the best you can do because you don’t know what you’re capable of.

It’s the reason why you obsess over passing a woman’s tests and spend hours thinking of the most alpha response to a text message. You don’t believe that you are enough as you are, and you think it takes a woman to validate your manhood.

However, trying to see your value from society’s perspective could be tough. We are, among other things, a culture that strongly values beauty (especially female beauty) while we denigrate and undervalue the qualities of men so frequently. The result is that you feel inadequate without certain looks, and fail to see the worth of your own characteristics. For instance, take a look at this photo:

You might be thinking “whoa bro how could I ever be with her?” I will answer this question with a question, one that will help you uncover your value:

What do you have to offer?

Of course her value in the eyes of society is easy to measure. But have you realized what you bring to the table?

Maybe you’re capable of bringing positive energy into her life. Maybe you have a calm, unshakeable demeanor about you that keeps her grounded and appreciative of the little things. Perhaps you are a humorous person and you have the ability to allow others to see the bright side of everything. You get the point. All of these qualities may be what a beautiful woman not only highly values, but needs in her life.

I challenge you to come up with a list of your own qualities, or ones that you would like to develop. If you’re really struggling with seeing your value, physically write down this list and read it every morning before you leave the house. You should know what you have to offer before you go outside and get assaulted by billboards that tell you you’re not worth it. Just remember that your self-worth is inherent, and any qualities that you possess are an extension of your inherent worth, and not the measure of it.


  1. Yes. This.

  2. singlewhitefemaledating permalink

    Great post… Permanent Guest! Goes both ways M & F, food for thought 😀

  3. IDK,I’m on the fences with this one.

    This really can’t be the issue to dating issues.

  4. Theophilus permalink

    I see your point, but this is dangerously close to “just be yourself”. You may have a whole bunch of qualities that she genuinely NEEDS in her life, but that doesn’t matter in the least if she doesn’t WANT them.
    What chicks really want and react well to is the important thing, not what we think they should need or even what they really do need.
    The qualities you list are the ones that any woman would value in a beta orbiter, not in a bf. From a sexual partner, a beautiful woman wants assholery and irrational confidence.
    Sure, tell yourself that she would be better off with you than with that tattooed loser. You’re
    almost certainly right. But she doesn’t think so, and that’s the point of learning game.

    • If you have something that someone needs, you are of value, whether or not they see it.

      We’re not using the value system of women. The point is to show you that you have something to offer to another person who you might feel is out of reach.

  5. Its interesting to hear that men suffer from this phenomenon also. I thought that women had cornered the market on feeling like you aren’t enough.

    • For some reason, the female angle did not even occur to me while writing this. I’m mostly familiar with men expressing that a woman is “out of their league” and fretting over ways to impress other women.

      The feminine feeling of inadequacy would be interesting to touch upon in a future discussion as well.

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