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The Seasoned Golddigger

February 18, 2012

“Are you gonna pay for it?” Asked the bartender, referring to the row of shots lined up behind me.

Just minutes prior, I was enjoying the company of my buddies, my back leaned against the bar, when a younger-looking girl in a red top caught my eye and almost immediately darted in my direction. She stopped a few inches in front of me, gesturing with her hand that I make way for her at the bar. I slightly shook my head, and she saw this as an opening to introduce herself.

 

What followed was an incoherent verbal exchange, laden with periods of long pauses, strong eye contact, and her right hand tightly grabbing the side of my sweater. She told me about her city, her college (which is one town over), and she briefly mentioned her older boyfriend, who she said “doesn’t matter.” Now it was time for her to maneuver herself towards the bar.

 

“What do you want?” She intonated over the music.

 

“I’m not drinking tonight,” I assured her.

 

She proceeded to verify her order with the gentleman behind the bar while making a determined effort to text someone on her phone, and I swiveled my head over to where my buddies were. Shortly after, two other girls appeared out of nowhere. They were her friends, and they came to collect their shots, which were handed over to them as they made their introductions to my group.

 

Then came the bartender’s inquiry of who was going to foot the bill. I turned only to see miss red top pointing her finger at me while suspiciously avoiding eye contact. I nearly laughed out of astonishment, and the bartender immediately caught on to the situation, itching to see how I would resolve it.

 

My declaration of “I’m not paying for it,” was matched by a feigned look of disbelief coupled with a judgment of my character. I then calmly looked the young lady in the eyes: “Get out your wallet and pay for it,” and turned my head away again (although not consciously used, this move creates an expectation, letting the other party know your request is not up for discussion).

 

“Fine, I’ve got it” she disappointingly relayed to the bartender, and handed over her card.

If you take any lesson at all out of this account, I hope it would be that you remember to have some self-respect. Perhaps you think that providing shots for a stranger and all her friends is no big deal. I would agree with you (if you have the money), however there is a big difference when you decide to give and when others develop an expectation that you somehow owe them. These expectations belong to society and entitled individuals. If you ever feel any kind of pressure from these unreasonable expectations, stop and realize them for what they are, then make your own decisions.

You set your own rules and expectations. Take control and make your own decisions.

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13 Comments
  1. imnobody permalink

    Well played. It’s outraging how American girls think they have to be paid by a stranger only to have a vagina. If everybody were like you, this wouldn’t happen.

    • I was more taken aback than outraged. As long as you respect yourself and confidently communicate your expectations, these types of individuals won’t affect you. This is applicable to other settings as well.

  2. Nine Furies permalink

    Solid, firm responses. Wouldve been epic if you said ” yea ive got these” then proceed to grab 2-3 of em pour them on her head while laughing uncontrollably and pointing.

    Actually im gonna make that a goal of mine whenever a situation like that comes up for me.

    It is infuriating sometimes to know you could crush a woman, squeeze the fucking life out of her with one hand but are not permitted to take it there.

    Because we are all so “civil” right?

    • The thing about self-respect is that you don’t let these type of people even get to you. Instead of taking offense at their request, you find yourself becoming self-amused.

      Civility (especially physical) is not a negative. I definitely hope that you, knowing your strength, understand the vital point of keeping yourself under control in all situations. It’s a testament to your masculinity..and it’ll help you avoid a battery charge on your night out.

  3. Nine Furies permalink

    Well I have to keep control because my jobs are all about the controlled use of force. I seem to switch back n forth between self amusement and brooding anger/easily annoyed.

    Why shouldnt I get violent if I have the means(excluding legal reasons)? Is violence a bad reaction to injustice? If I claim to follow social rules and codes shouldnt I be seriously offended when others infringe on those codes to my detriment?

    What is the point of following any rules if you are the only one paying the price for breaking them?

    • “Why shouldnt I get violent if I have the means(excluding legal reasons)? Is violence a bad reaction to injustice?”

      Let me ask you: What are you trying to accomplish?

      Is this injustice a violent act against you? If that is the case, you would act violently with the purpose of neutralizing the threat to protect yourself and maintain respect. In a non-violent situation, you should be able to smack down any disrespect via proportionate, non-violent means.

      “If I claim to follow social rules and codes shouldnt I be seriously offended when others infringe on those codes to my detriment?”

      You are correct in focusing on the broad concept of rules and social codes. Why then would you take a narrow approach to this issue by violently correcting individuals? You would do the opposite of what you’re trying to accomplish (reinforce “violent men” stereotypes, which would lead to greater disrespect of men). On the other hand, you can be a non-reactive, centered male who sends clear messages regarding his boundaries of respect and serves as an example to other men watching.

      • Nine Furies permalink

        “On the other hand, you can be a non-reactive, centered male who sends clear messages regarding his boundaries of respect and serves as an example to other men watching”

        I agree with that. Def still learning to be non reactive in certain situations. Doesnt help that I am a hyper passionate person about whatever sets me off, turns me on etc. My emotional landscape tends to be on the extreme side. I have just stayed out of trouble because I found the right outlets at the right age.

        As far as disrespect of men in society I think we both can agree that we must be near/at the absolute bottom(in the west). So only up from here is how I feel about it. Im not so concerned about reinforcing violent men stereotypes anymore because I question whether or not that attitude has merely been a product of social conditioning.

        Now about violence, well there are many forms of violence. If the end result is your pain/suffering can we agree that violence has been done to us?

  4. “Now about violence, well there are many forms of violence. If the end result is your pain/suffering can we agree that violence has been done to us?”

    Not to get technical, but if pain and suffering is the end result, then violence is the means. I just don’t think it’s a necessary means in handling disrespect of this nature (see: ‘handling disrespect’).

    There is no doubt a sentiment of disrespect & double standards directed at men, yet every group of people (women, various minorities) has to deal with this. The power lies in your refusal to adopt a victim mentality, and your willingness to guide and direct your life as you see fit, not as others perceive you.

  5. Nine Furies permalink

    Well I dont see this as a direct answer and I feel as if you dont want to continue this line of debate so I wont press the issue any further.

    Is it a victim mentality to refuse to abide by societies rules when one feels he is being played the sucker? If my willing and my guiding my life see fit for me to direct vengeance against those powers that so enslaved me am I a victim for choosing to retaliate?

    Am I just being reactive when I decide that violence against me will not be tolerated?

    • “Well I dont see this as a direct answer and I feel as if you dont want to continue this line of debate so I wont press the issue any further.”

      If violence is a means, and pain/suffering is an end, then it would be a stretch to argue that violence has been done to you with non-violent means. I thought this was clear.

      “Am I just being reactive when I decide that violence against me will not be tolerated?”

      When you see yourself as the sucker, you have become the victim. When you allow others to get under your skin and you act out from anger, you have become reactive.

      I won’t belabor the point. Rather I trust that you can judge for yourself which situations merit the appropriate response. As I’ve implied before, violence should be a last-resort, used only in situations where you seek to neutralize the violent attack against you. It, however, has no place in a situations like the story listed above.

  6. Lmao aint that a bitch!!

    I can imagine this chick getting away with this every time she goes out.The social pressure on the guy(you)must have been massively high to foot the bill lol.

    • Most definitely. I was expecting all kinds of criticism. Instead I was greeted with high fives from my buddies and a show of solidarity from the male bartender.

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