Skip to content

Selectivity is Key

October 7, 2011

There are plenty of advantages of having standards, especially if you 1) value your time and 2) want someone worthwhile. Seems obvious, yet I’m still baffled by the number of guys who go through the same pattern in courtship: idealization (the pedestal problem), fling, and disappointment (rejection).


The real issue here is with the mindset. It’s one of presumed worth of a person before you even know them, which can quickly turn into idealization. Such a view is not only repellant, but more so it is inefficient.

Instead, adopt the inverted mindset: Guilty until proven innocent.

To be clear, this isn’t to be construed to be a cynical “all girls are evil” mindset. Rather, it’s a way of saying that one must earn your attention and affection.


To put it in perspective, let’s say you’re now the head coach of a professional sports team. There are literally hundreds or thousands of individuals who want a spot on your team. Would you give them all a chance to play for you, and wait for them to screw up before cutting them? Worse yet, would you wait for them to get better, and then have them walk out on you (totally damaging your team’s self-worth)?

As a responsible coach, you would do a scouting report, look at the numbers, and once you’ve decided that they have potential, hold a tryout. If they’re dependable, keep them. If they’re a bust, then let them go. Word of caution: don’t be delusional enough to think you’ll find a “perfect” player. You just need one that satisfies your standards.


Save your time and your energy and develop reasonable standards. The better they are, the more quality you will find.



One Comment

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Some Sound Advice « Permanent Guest

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: