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Alpha Male v. True Male

July 11, 2011

If you’ve opened up a popular men’s dating guide or been on a ‘seduction’ forum recently, you’re inclined to agree with this statement: The alpha/beta dichotomy is out of hand.

I’m not talking about the hierarchy system being flawed, or even its relevance to humans, but rather its sheer misapplication to innocent male readers everywhere.

Because of the volume of information, I can’t tell where it all started, but the conventional understanding seems to be that women are attracted to alpha males, and if you’re not ‘alpha,’ you must do everything to become one if you ever wish to attract women.

If you don’t know how to become alpha, a look through an aforementioned dating article will suffice. A quick glance will tell you that an alpha male is:

-independent (needs no approval from others)
-dominant (leads those around him; dominant body language is crucial)
-moves with purpose (knows what he wants, and goes for it)
-confident (certain that his self-worth will remain intact no matter the outcome)

In addition, the alpha contains all of these characteristics in addition to being deemed the “leader of the pack.” Not too shabby. I mean, it certainly trumps being ‘beta,’ which the same guys describe as a pushover who is aimless and lacks confidence.

But that leads to a  quick observation:

You cannot fake alpha. In fact, such a suggestion undercuts the very meaning of the alpha/beta hierarchy. Not only that, but faking confidence and dominance through body language and witty retorts for attraction is counterproductive. For one, an intuitive creature (read: woman) can easily sniff you out as the insecure “beta” that you are.

But back to the point. This very framework of attraction is misguided, because the simple yet profound reality is this:

Women are attracted to Men. 

Of course, real men. Then again, don’t all of those aforementioned characteristics describe what a real man is? A true male is self-aware, and in knowing his self-worth, believes he has a right to stand up for and respect himself (and others, for that matter). He’s every bit as confident and independent as the “alpha male” and always leads the female, setting the proper balance of the relationship. Lastly, what makes a true male is that he is virtually unconcerned whether or not women are attracted to him, which is one of the highest forms of neediness today.

Also note that ‘alpha’ is relational. Every social group has their alpha dog who has the strongest voice and makes decisions (lest you belong to one of those “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” groups). But what does it matter if you carry all of the characteristics of said real man, but aren’t dominating the group? Women will still be attracted to you because of your qualities. More importantly, you can still have self-respect without having to lead that certain group (Granted, you may even be a leader in a different social group. But you don’t need to worry about being an alpha male 24/7).

In essence, my point is this: Instead of striving to be true males, guys today would rather mimic the alpha male, which is a surefire way to solidify their place as ‘beta’ males. It’s an endless chase for validation: always wondering if your text message is ‘alpha’ enough and basing that on the girl’s reaction; always subconsciously comparing one’s self to other potential ‘competitors;’ always adjusting your body language in public to “look more dominant.” Such a path leads to insecurity.

With this, I urge you to drop the preoccupation with developing an alpha personality, and rather focus on developing a masculine character. The latter suggestion is a benefit in and of itself, because it is what you were born to be, not what you were pressured to act like for some fleeting result.

  1. yeah man. This stuff is so obvious, I wonder why so few people are catching it. You can “fake” a lot of things, fake confidence, fake fake fake. But… fake doesnt get the real rewards, and you will be perceived as fake, and you will still be the same weak creature, chasing fights bigger than you can handle, thus getting crushed…

    You hear so many guys on the manosphere / pua talking about fear, limits, approach anxiety, etc, all signs that they have REAL stuff to overcome and destroy. What do they do? keep faking it.

    I always go back to the sports analogy. You can fake being a pro tennis player, dress, talk, walk, etc. You might fool a lot of people…. until they watch you play, and then it crumbles. So faking confidence and faking being a real man, crumbles the minute you have to really handle women.

    PUAs and misguided guys live in a constantly crumbling world and counting fake rewards.

    Re: alpha being relative. Yes its relational, at least the social part of it which is a huge chunk. You need to be the leader of a pack to be alpha… or, lets say, being in a leadership position HELPS you developing these traits. Once you have the traits, you can walk everywhere and people instinctually catch where you belong.

    Becoming “the man” is more work, but, since its straightforward, its also easier than faking you are like a man. Real > Fake

    Good to find your blog btw

  2. rather than focusing on attracting women, focus on being attractive

  3. Too true. I love the tennis player analogy, mostly because it conveys the truth of challenge.

    Everyone wants to be perceived as the alpha male, but just like in any social organization, the alpha male will be challenged by others trying to take his position. His true colors will be shown in how he handles it.

  4. yep, the alpha male gets all the heat, testing, chitchat, etc. If the character is not there… huge fail

  5. True Male permalink

    I am glad to see that I am not the only male with this thought process. This makes me feel alot better.

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