So I’ve recently become aware of the following site making rounds: Thirstiest men of Instagram.
I’ll admit, Just seeing the title drew a laugh in anticipation of the cringeworthy and creative ways these guys would be expressing their carnal interests towards the female in picture (“thirsty” here means desperate, for the unaware). I mean, who wouldn’t want to laugh at the desperate attempts at play while sitting atop their high horse? Afterall, these men should be shamed for expressing their sexual intent to women who have committed no crime other than simply being attractive.
After going through the first 3 photos, I noticed a trend. A few more photos, and I was looking for the only exception. The exception to photos like this one:
Bikini shots. Skintight clothing. Egregious cleavage. Self-absorbed selfies.
Now the bulk of the problem here isn’t just with the overly desperate men (or unintentional comedians). Nor does it lie squarely with the attention-seeking women in the photos. The real problem is with the framework that judges and shames another while overlooking virtues (such as maturity or self-restraint) in the self.
Thirsty men and sleazy women are merely symptoms of the issue. For instance, look at music videos from late eighties rock bands, or even hip hop artists today. The interplay with scantily-clad women seemed to say “I’ll treat her the way she’s dressed.” Note that you rarely see fully clothed, modest women with alcohol being poured down their crack. But what you also don’t see on the part of these men is any sense of restraint. Because she is dressed like that (and signaling availability), does not mean one should abdicate himself of prudence or self-control.
As far as these women go, the dominant narrative states that they are innocent, and the horny losers that dare comment on their photo have no right to objectify them (one spinoff article refers to the women as “victims”). But the defense of “I was just treating you like I saw you” flies out the window with notions such as slut-shaming and victim-blaming. That said, these young girls are either blissfully unaware of the impact of their photos, or worse (and much more likely), flat out immature and disingenuous.
Afterall, while the intuitive, emotional-focused nature of women can sense creepiness and filth from a mile away, the visual nature of man can see it and make a similar, accurate discernment.
I cannot defend either line of thinking. Nor can I stop being entertained by the exchange of sleazy photo for sleazy comment. I only ask that the tumblr site be renamed “thirstiest men of instragram and the trashiest women meet.”
I’ll work on a better title…later.
It’s been a while since I’ve written anything here, and I’d like to know a few things about the readership. Whether you’ve subscribed since day 1 or it’s your first time reading a post, your opinion will be valued (don’t be shy). Note that the feedback I am about to ask for is not specific to my blog, but rather any blog that you may read, related or unrelated. Feel free to either comment below or send a message via the ‘contact’ form in the ‘about’ section.
So with that said, here are a couple of questions for you:
1) What topics do you enjoy reading about? Additionally, which area (if any) of your personal development do you wish to have handled?
2) Roughly how many blogs do you regularly visit? If you could only choose one for the next week, which would it be and why?
Thanks for your input.
You know the story: you meet a girl who just seems a bit above the rest. The more you talk to her, the more you’d like to get to know her Just when you begin to imagine a solid future between the two of you, you hear these words:
“So, I told that to my boyfriend, and…”
How do you respond to the subtlety of information casually wrapped into conversation? Do you sulk on the spot as your fantasy falls away? Do you soldier on as if you never heard it? Is it time to pull out your pua line and invite the unseen boyfriend to cook you two breakfast?
Your Mindset Governs Your Response
Perhaps it’s not often that the stars align and you find yourself in good conversation with a promising woman. Or so it seems. The truth of the matter is that there are a number of women who can make you just as happy as this one.
So why do we insist on pushing through with this single target? Because you have a mindset based in scarcity. You believe that this may be “the one” or that you just may never find another like her. You won’t let it go because you have become invested in her, and unknowingly part of your happiness depends on attaining her.
The Response from an Abundance Mindset
So how does one with a mindset grounded in abundance respond to the new information?
“So…do you have any cute single friends?”
I cannot deny the efficacy of this statement. It’s a subtle disqualification that shows her that she doesn’t hold all the cards. It gives her a way to play matchmaker (a woman’s favorite game, mind you). It gives you a whole host of options that you were too blind to notice beforehand.
Note: When using this line, I’m presupposing there’s decent chemistry between the two of you. If she’s saying “I have a boyfriend” to avoid you, you’ll have no luck with her friends. The discerning of you will tell.
What’s your purpose?
What’s the reason you get up every morning?
What’s your “why?”
What is your greater mission in life?
We were created with a mission, a will, a drive to move the world in progressive directions. Unfortunately, this drive has been sapped by the forces which will have you believe that finding a relationship is your highest goal in life and tell you that you’re not enough. Each of us is constantly being distracted to live vicariously through the lens of fictional television characters. While I believe entertainment has its place in our lives, you must see the bigger picture: do you think the men and women you’re watching got where they are by sitting around and watching others?
There is nothing more important than your mission, as far as activity goes. The importance covers your self-growth, your relationships, and the world around you. As a unique individual, you have certain skills, traits, and visions that no one else has. Don’t waste your talent doubting your importance to the system. Get up and do something. You’re capable. You’re important.
From here on out, your goal is simple. You are to focus on what your mission is, and all of your thoughts and energy should be directed towards it. If you don’t have the slightest clue on where to start, begin by making it your goal to find your mission. This isn’t boring; you’ll be doing something you love, or something you’re good at. This isn’t useless; the world’s progression is depending on you.
No excuses. You truly have better things to do.
The age-old question has reared its ugly head again, this time by way of a thorough survey.
Now instead of simply dumping the numbers on here, let’s take them piece by piece to uncover the relevant implications:
- 44% of men said they would stop dating a woman who never pays: And for good reason. Simply put, you should not incur a substantial debt towards a potential partner if they are not willing to show any reciprocal investment. I read “never pays” to encompass more than money. The true meaning boils down to the man’s expectations being left unfulfilled. Perhaps you should be more firm in what you want, and invest less. Your time and attention is more valuable than your actual currency.
- 64% of men believed women should contribute to dating expenses: Yes, things have changed, as the study discusses. However, biological gender roles remain the same. I advocate paying for an outing, albeit from a position of strength. Afterall, the boss pays. Then again, the “dates” that I advocate are generally free and allow you to do what you should be doing: spending time with and evaluating her.
- 57% of women said they offer to pay but 39% admitted they hoped the man wouldn’t accept: Despite true intentions, offering is a classy move. At best, it shows that she’s willing to bring her share to the proverbial table. At the median, it shows that she cares enough about what you think. At worst, she’s not into you and doesn’t want you to leave the restaurant expecting something for your payment.
- In any case, 76% of men said they felt guilty about accepting women’s money: The guilt, as the study mentions, comes from the social pressure every man faces, whether it means paying for dinner or drinks. But that guilt simply doesn’t match up well with the reality that women are now making just as much, if not more, than the men they are seeing.
The reason men feel guilty about letting women chip in for the date is because they’ve been taught they should pay. However men have also been taught that men and women should have egalitarian partnerships, so costs should be shared.
Don’t be a sucker. This means don’t accept someone else’s rules about paying for dates if you’re not comfortable with it. Also don’t accept any notion of an egalitarian relationship if it doesn’t sit well with you. If you feel like you should lead your relationship, be upfront and unashamed about it. If she doesn’t agree with you, find someone who does. Let go of your desperation; they’re out there, trust me.