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Quote of the Week: Do you believe in yourself?

“The world takes us at our own valuation. It believes in the man who believes in himself, but it has little use for the timid man, the one who is never certain of himself, who cannot rely on his own judgment, who craves advice from others, and is afraid to go ahead on his own account.”

-Orison Marden

It blows my mind to see the number of people calling themselves “forever alone,” but in the same breath turn and ask me for dating advice. Or those who say they will “never get this position” they apply for, but do it anyway.

Perhaps it’s a defense mechanism, or a way of self-motivation, but one must wonder:

What do you really believe? Or better yet, in whom do you believe?

It should be obvious how a negative belief can sabotage your success. Trying to identify as a loser while desiring to live like a winner will give way to confusion and failure.

If you want success, then live and act like you have it. Declare it today from the inside out and don’t look back. Your identity is defined by your own valuation, not by your circumstances. “Becoming” is a fruitless process that get’s you nowhere; being, on the other hand, is your best bet for a meaningful transformation.

Cut the Garbage, Improve your Life

If you’re not reading 30 days to x, you’re missing out. Lately he’s put out a series of no nonsense articles that go less to theory and more to action. Here’s a blip from his latest post, three activities to avoid:

3. Associating with negative people

A long time ago I used to pal around with this guy who was a total deadbeat.

If you went out to eat he wouldn’t pitch in a single dime.

The dude wanted something from everyone but wasn’t willing to give back.

For a long time this made me mad.

One day I realized that there was a simple solution. I quit hanging out with him.

It’s one thing to complain about the negativity you’re experiencing; it’s another to take concrete steps towards eliminating it. Most of the time, it involves removing someone from your everyday interactions, or removing yourself from bad company. Nonetheless, the vigilance in monitoring the company you keep lies squarely in your court.

Disclosure: this is not an ad. I don’t know him; he don’t know me.

3 Rules For Male Cabdrivers

In light of the new SheTaxi service, a cab service that serves only female passengers, males, especially cab drivers, need a clear wake up call. According to the founder, the service was created with concerns of male cabbie harassment.

 

With that said, let’s go over 3 rules that will help male cab drivers navigate the murky waters of everyday city transportation:

1) Stop denying you’re a predator. Cab harassment is a real thing. Keep your hands to yourself and your eyes on the road.

 What’s that? Never in your 18 years of driving have you even conceived of such a thought? You’re missing the point. This isn’t about bad apples or crappy individuals; this is a gender issue. Men lie, cheat, steal, and guess what? Men harass. Please, no more excuses.

2) See a woman? Keep it moving. The only surefire way to protect your over-the-top masculine desires from erupting is to stop picking up women completely. Disregard your notions of chivalry and business and cater to only male customers. Afterall, we’ve witnessed what all you men are capable of for the average women just trying to head to work in the morning:

3) Quit Your Job. Apparently your profession is full of predators, as the multitude of incidents listed in the article suggests.

 

You’re very welcome.

 

PG

Quote of the Week: Conflict of Will & Imagination

“When the will comes in conflict with the imagination, the imagination always carried the day”

-Émile Coué

 

You will live up only to the level of your self-image. You will only accomplish what you can see yourself accomplishing. It’s your mind, so use it wisely.

 

You have no time for negative thoughts. You simply don’t have time to listen to what the media or your peers tell you who you are or who you should be. You’re better off eradicating your negative beliefs and installing new ones. You wouldn’t let your yard be overcome by weeds and thorns, would you? Time to take a mental mower to the conditions you let get out of hand.

 

The unwitting dissenters will see this message as a contradiction. Rather, it is a corollary. See first, then accomplish.

 

Take responsibility for your beliefs. You have everything to lose, and everything to gain. Think, breathe, and live your improved self-image. The world does not change your belief; instead, belief changes your world.

 

Questions? You know where to find me.

 

 

How to Overcome Rationalization

From Reader Mikeemisme, Kindly requested before my hiatus:

Most people don’t succeed because they don’t even try. Now there’s something to be said about refining yourself, but after a certain point you just need to *do*

Imagine the young aspiring athlete who spends hours reading about workouts and proper free-throw shooting technique, but never steps into the gym. Or the man who wants to start his business, but never moves past multiple readings of how to start a business. Or, worse yet, the man that studies the act of approaching people in public, but (you guessed it) never approaches anyone in public.

 

To all these, I ask: what are these people waiting for?

 

To you, I ask: what are YOU waiting for?

 

I can just hear the excuses now:

 

I’m just not ready yet: Truth is, you will never be 100% ready. But I’ll tell you what: making a move when you’re 10% ready beats the daylights out of never starting. If you never start, consider yourself a Zero Percenter.

I’m waiting for the right time: All things considered, there is no right time. So why not wait after making a move? Instead of waiting to start your business, start your business and wait. Instead of looking for that perfect window to speak to someone, just speak to them and see where things go.

If you’re dealing with a time-sensitive discipline, such as investing, then there may be a favorable time after all. But in the meantime, ask yourself what practical steps you can take right now. The answer might just surprise you.

I have no idea what I’m doing: That’s good, because doing is practice. When you figure out where you went wrong, you can go back to the drawing board, in the aim to adjust later. This is a successful method of mixing in theory & practice.

I’m just lazy: Make a to-do list. Keep it short, 3 to 5 items. Do them, check off, repeat. This will form a habit and push you into unthinking, machine-like productivity.

 

Is there an excuse I missed? Post it below. To the rest of you: go forth and do good.

 

On Shame/Guilt Mindset

From The Rawness, an interesting & recurring discussion of guilt and shame:

 Many people think shame and guilt are the same thing, but they are very difference. To reiterate a concept I’ve discussed in the past, guilt is feeling bad about something you did, while shame is feeling bad about what you are, your very essence, your very identity

 For shame-based people, even what little sense of guilt they have ends up fused with shame, making it something called toxic guilt. That is, they can’t separate their guilt from their shame, meaning they can’t separate their actions from their identity. For example, when you are operating from a sense of guilt, you can say something like “I am a good, decent guy who just happened to do a stupid thing. Doing something stupid doesn’t make my whole identity defective.”

The concept here is a simple one: a “guilt-based” mindset will see that a misstep lies in their actions; a “shame-based” individual will see that same mistake infused within their identity.

So how does one overcome an unhealthy shame-based mindset?

The first part is simple: establish your identity. No, you are not defective or fundamentally flawed. Despite the billion dollar industries that tell you to what to buy/how to vote/where to eat, you will not be a loser or suffer any harm to your self-image if you choose to go your own way.

Your identity should be set on a just-because truth: I am a good, decent person. Why? Not because of what you did, or where you grew up. You’re worthy because you’re here.

Secondly, realize when you do it. As mentioned I the article, the problem is not limited to mistakes and lows; when one achieves a successful feat, they may also be tempted to believe “I am awesome!” Avoiding identifying with actions & results, whether positive or negative, will allow you to maintain a constant truth of yourself: I am a good, decent person.

Quick note: I’ve mentioned before that one can build confidence by setting action-based goals. Such is consistent with the message here. When one achieves goal after goal they set, the mindset is not “Look how awesome I am,” but rather, “I have achieved this in the past, and I am capable of achieving more in the future.” Conversely, if those goals were met with resistance or failure, the message may be “I am a failure,” which may in turn render the opportunity for future confidence null.

The New American Girl

Bitch!” She scowled, as a lady friend pulled me away from a random girl on the dance floor.

 

I’d like to say it was one of those nights, but I simply had not experienced such a mood to this degree. Ever since I returned from Western Europe, my levels of interest have seen a stark decline. I no longer care to go out. I don’t volunteer myself for any cute, single friends. I don’t even introduce myself to women who eyeball me like I’m going out of style.

 

My experience reads like a bad happy tale of a man who’s checked out, or gone his own way. I’ve heard the countless number of complaints regarding the American girl: loud, masculine, unnecessarily arrogant, and empty. Many generalizations, fair and unfair, wrapped up into a single entity representative of an entire culture.

 

One might say that women are simply women, be they from the East or West. Oddly enough, I did not hear this counter argument from any women abroad; in fact, the women from the various countries seemed to have more to say to me regarding the American girls I put up with.

 

And Generally, they were right. If I could describe my experience in one word, it would be refreshing. Not all women are like that, Indeed.

 

Which leads me back to the night. Back to the night in which I finally went out, enjoyed myself, and just happened to receive a rather high amount of attention every two steps I took. I was eyed, followed on the dance floor, groped, smacked by whipping hair, and “accidentally” bumped into a few times.

 

Yet I didn’t waiver. Sometimes I looked and smiled, other times I simply relocated without giving the time of day. Rarely, I humored the approach.

 

All in all, this night got me thinking: I’ve gone thousands of miles away and realized that the grass will always be greener on the other side. So why bother?

 

But in a parallel twist, in my new “not even for a second” attitude, I realize that my behavior, on the surface, is no different from those which I despise. In avoiding those who find creative ways to open me, I’ve become what I hate – The American Girl.

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